It turns out the Octobers were worse
The Octobers got me worse than the Augusts, which isn't something that should happen. I did get some writing done, but most of the month was a train wreck.
I don't remember when exactly he arrived, but sometime this summer, my brother arrived in town, having been kicked out of his home by his wife for a drinking problem. The thing is, we didn't know how bad things were until he went into the hospital at the beginning of October, with what would turn out to be liver failure. Things were bad, at first, and then he started recovering, he was starting to look healthy again, and right when we thought things were looking up for good, his health took a nosedive and he passed away at the beginning of this month.
We're all still stunned. Just blindsided. The thing that came up after he passed was, "This wasn't supposed to happen." He was 46, he had two kids, he was kind and funny and he loved people. Everywhere I went with him, he knew someone there. We just didn't know how bad his problem was until it was too late.
This was going to be about finding a little space to be creative during this time, but that's not this post anymore. So let me say this instead: if you're struggling with addiction, or with depression, or anything else like that, please, please, please ask for help. There are people in your life who want to help you. And if they don't want to help, cut them out of your life immediately. You are worth it. You deserve to be here. Don't ever think otherwise.
I'm going to share this story in closing. I posted this over on Metafilter 8 years ago, when Wes Craven died:
My brother shares his name, though we're Cravens, and he was singular. Still, it was enough to cause confusion.
Back in the early 00s, my Wes was on a red eye from St. Louis to LAX. He did work on network sites, including backbone of the Internet stuff, and flew all over the country. On this flight, he was upgraded to first class by the airline. As he settled in to the flight, he noticed that the attendants were being VERY friendly, and very interested in his work. What was he doing in St. Louis? Why was he heading to LA? And the fact that he answered that he was working on "projects" only stoked their interest. Finally, they started to realize that he was about thirty years too young, and it came out he worked on networks and not Networks, and not iconic films, and their attentions dropped off immediately. That's when he figured out why they were so interested.
My brother is actually kind of upset by this news. It's as if we've lost our other brother Wes.