Everybody Fest!
In a few weeks I'll be heading up to Chicago for Midwest Fur Fest and I'm really, really nervous about it. It's not my first furry con, but just barely. Earlier this year I went to my hometown con for the first time, Gateway Fur Meet. It's small, and I don't really know anyone in the community, and I went on a Sunday, because that's the only day I could go. I didn't know anyone, and there wasn't much happening besides fursuit games, and the artist alley and dealers den, which I love seeing anyway.
I deeply regret not taking my good cameras for the fursuit show. People had great suits, and there was a protogen, and I love a good protogen. It was silly and fun, and seeing everyone have a good time was, I dunno, validating? And afterwards, I sat and did some good old fashioned people watching.
And then I was absolutely broadsided by an incredible wave of emotions and I had to go sit in my car for a while.
I believe I'm on the youngest side of gray-muzzle now, hitting middle age last year. There's a lot of feelings that goes with that, one of them being that I'm finally in a place where I know what I want, I have a really good idea of who I am, I'm finding the bravery I never had to get involved in communities. And because of this, for a good chunk of last year I was in mourning for the younger me who didn't know this, and who could have used all of this knowledge. I know I am who I am now because of every step I made to get here, but goddammit I wish I had been doing some of this stuff 15 years ago.
So in March of this year, I went to my first furry con and ended up getting kicked in the head with that mourning.
I also spend a lot of time worrying about my age. I don't talk about my age in the fandom circles I run in, because I worry about the reaction. And I fully know of people who have kids, people who are my age. So I don't even know. I think Tumblr got to me.
I think I'm putting to much on myself going to this con. I'm going to take my good cameras and a sketch book and iPad. I'm going to take a lot of pictures and enjoy myself. I might actually know a few people here this time, and it'll be nice to meet them! It'll be fun. And I know I'll be frustrated that I hadn't done this 15 years ago, but at least I'll be there then.
-kosmo
One final thought: Before Blaseball, I pretty much just went by my own name. In Blaseball, I'm Kosmo, and one thing I've discovered through Blaseball is that I really like being Kosmo. I'm adopting it for my furry fandom name. I need to make a proper sona, but for now my current guy will do.
(If you read the title in Mike Nelson's voice, let's talk MST3k lol)